Why the classic SF future was called off

Unisex jumpsuits chafe

Turns out ray guns don't make a cool "pew pew" sound, but rather emit a loud Fran Drescher cackle

Wormholes actually filled with wormshit

Galactic credits worth just $.15

Too many damn dirty apes

Tax cuts

Post-Apocalypse patchwork clothing looks bitchen, but takes forever to sew

Force fields keep out lasers, heat rays, and particle weapons, but seal in the funk

Classic SF scientists: handsome, dedicated. Real scientists: pasty, creepy

Too tedious to create all those pointless animated displays for ships' monitors

All-seeing government spent too much time peeping on showering co-eds

Rise of small presses enabled people to see what SF authors actually looked like

Towering, graceful spires with big bulbous tops keep falling over. Da fuck were we thinking

Heinlein's vision of a world populated by Objectivist hippies lost its appeal

The greatest scientific minds of the age all got pulled into creating special effects for SF films

Sexy cat-like alien race only interested in balls of yarn

The fucking shields never hold

Robotic half of cyborg lives 1000 years, human half: 75

Resurrected dinosaurs will just totally eat you! You don't want that!

Once computers brought us porn, we were done

Side effects of using the Force include dizziness, headaches, sweating, sexual dysfunction, and irritable bowels

There's not enough talc in the world to wear that big black helmet all day

Flying cars delayed due to the shortage of hoverologists

Dystopia has better cable

Will be more cost-effective to re-create the Hyperborean Age

Reality considerably more merciless than previously given credit for